I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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