Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
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I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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