my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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