Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Randomize
Follow @tfln