im about as happy as oj after his trial
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize