Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize