So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
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I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
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I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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