I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
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It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize