Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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