apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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