like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
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is wine microwaveable?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
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When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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