At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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