she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
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