is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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