Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize