before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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