in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
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His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
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i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
When are your genitals available?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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