I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
should my penis look like a turkey
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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