worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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