I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
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She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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