you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
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He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
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Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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