Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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