Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
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who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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