I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
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