update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
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we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I will be naked everywhere
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
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I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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