I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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