i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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