You're earring is so big in my mouth
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
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The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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