I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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