batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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