Yo dont text me then not text me
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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