Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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