i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i barfeds in our rink
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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