I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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