bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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