just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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