i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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