So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize