Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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