If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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