If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize