My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
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Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
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It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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