first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Too much gin, very little bucket
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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