Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
my liver is dry heaving
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize