I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
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I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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