He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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