Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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