i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
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He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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