come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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