my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
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Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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